Thursday, June 3
Monday, July 20
Next steps
It is important to me that I share a complete and transparent explanation of my current situation so that my friends and family don't have to rely on hear-say and Facebook updates to know about what's going on with me, so I'm posting this e-mail I sent out to my friends and family as a public blog post and Facebook note.
As many of you know, I have one remaining semester at Westmont, plus a Mayterm where I'll pick up my last few needed units. It was my plan to return to Westmont this Fall and again in May 2010 to finally graduate. The original reason I left Westmont one year ago is because of some struggles I was having with my mental health. Foremost, I was dealing with clinical depression. In addition, however, I was having bouts of insomnia, anxiety attacks, and trouble focusing. Mayterm 2008 made my realize that I was in no condition to go back to school, and I made the decision to take a full year off just to work and see a counselor ... get myself back to normal.
In the past year I've made a lot of progress, and I'm much much healthier than I was. However, I still have the occasional setback. Due to stressful circumstances or just chemicals in my brain, I am, during those times, unable to be myself and fulfill my responsibilities. This can lead to a vicious cycle where several days are wasted. It's a major concern hanging over my head. Even if these lapses are months apart from each other, I have to face the reality that the semester is 4 months long, and a stressful 4 months at that.
In addition to this, it has been a while since I felt comfortable at Westmont. I am not sure it was ever the right school for me, despite how much I love the small group of good friends I made there, and a few incredible faculty members who were understanding and supportive. For one, the environment was not conducive to my learning style, or at least I wouldn't allow it to work for me. Now, though, I dread the return because of the associations I have with the place. Wasted days of missing classes due to overwhelming anxiety and melancholy were what defined my last year there, and I fear that this association with the school is not something I'll be able to get rid of or ignore.
Despite indications of all this, I have been insistent on returning for the semester since I am so close to getting my degree, and it just seems silly to throw away 7 other semesters of expensive classes. But a few conversations with my best mentor, my dad, in addition to a few close friends, pointed out the obvious. I'm truly dreading going back, and given my current mental state, it seems almost certain that this semester would be largely inefficient: a step forward, yes, but almost inevitably two steps back. It makes much more sense to wait until I'm absolutely 100% free of these occasional setbacks. I'm not talking about feeling down one day, which is normal, but real depression that makes it impossible to live my normal life. Although they are further apart and less frequent than they have been at times, this pattern is not compatible with academics.
So I am, reluctantly, postponing my degree. In an effort to avoid getting out of the student "mindset," I'm going to continue taking some classes at city college, which will serve the dual purpose of allowing my to explore my other interests; in this case film and video. I have heard from those who never completed their degrees that one of the hardest parts of returning is getting back into the mindset of being a student once they've adjusted to the workplace mindset, and I'm going to try and avoid this as much as possible, so that when I'm ready to return, I am able to do so with less transitional friction.
As far as my 5-year or 10-year plan, I don't really have one, which is scary in one sense, but this is a time for exploration and continued recovery. I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed. It is possible that in a year I will change my mind and decide to return to Westmont, or another school, to finish my English degree. It is also possible that I will decide to pursue journalism and apply to journalism schools. Or possibly film, and apply to film schools using the city college units to transfer. While it is unfortunate that many of my Westmont GE units will not transfer, I feel like now is the time to be looking ahead, not backward.
My short-term plan is a little more established. Santa Barbara is a familiar city to me, and Santa Barbara City College has one of the best affordable film programs in the state. I also have some friends there looking for a roommate, which is an added convenience. So my plan is to find a job in Santa Barbara, move down there, and enroll in film classes at city college. It is possible that I will end up residing elsewhere, or maybe even stay in the Bay Area and continue working for my dad, but Santa Barbara is looking like the most likely scenario. Wherever I go, I will be simultaneously pursuing videography by way of odd jobs, event shooting, weddings, independent film gigs, and whatever else I can find.
I'm going to try to be as open as possible about this, which is why I've posted this publicly. I welcome and appreciate your advice, questions, responses, prayers, and wisdom.
Cheers,
Jedd
As many of you know, I have one remaining semester at Westmont, plus a Mayterm where I'll pick up my last few needed units. It was my plan to return to Westmont this Fall and again in May 2010 to finally graduate. The original reason I left Westmont one year ago is because of some struggles I was having with my mental health. Foremost, I was dealing with clinical depression. In addition, however, I was having bouts of insomnia, anxiety attacks, and trouble focusing. Mayterm 2008 made my realize that I was in no condition to go back to school, and I made the decision to take a full year off just to work and see a counselor ... get myself back to normal.
In the past year I've made a lot of progress, and I'm much much healthier than I was. However, I still have the occasional setback. Due to stressful circumstances or just chemicals in my brain, I am, during those times, unable to be myself and fulfill my responsibilities. This can lead to a vicious cycle where several days are wasted. It's a major concern hanging over my head. Even if these lapses are months apart from each other, I have to face the reality that the semester is 4 months long, and a stressful 4 months at that.
In addition to this, it has been a while since I felt comfortable at Westmont. I am not sure it was ever the right school for me, despite how much I love the small group of good friends I made there, and a few incredible faculty members who were understanding and supportive. For one, the environment was not conducive to my learning style, or at least I wouldn't allow it to work for me. Now, though, I dread the return because of the associations I have with the place. Wasted days of missing classes due to overwhelming anxiety and melancholy were what defined my last year there, and I fear that this association with the school is not something I'll be able to get rid of or ignore.
Despite indications of all this, I have been insistent on returning for the semester since I am so close to getting my degree, and it just seems silly to throw away 7 other semesters of expensive classes. But a few conversations with my best mentor, my dad, in addition to a few close friends, pointed out the obvious. I'm truly dreading going back, and given my current mental state, it seems almost certain that this semester would be largely inefficient: a step forward, yes, but almost inevitably two steps back. It makes much more sense to wait until I'm absolutely 100% free of these occasional setbacks. I'm not talking about feeling down one day, which is normal, but real depression that makes it impossible to live my normal life. Although they are further apart and less frequent than they have been at times, this pattern is not compatible with academics.
So I am, reluctantly, postponing my degree. In an effort to avoid getting out of the student "mindset," I'm going to continue taking some classes at city college, which will serve the dual purpose of allowing my to explore my other interests; in this case film and video. I have heard from those who never completed their degrees that one of the hardest parts of returning is getting back into the mindset of being a student once they've adjusted to the workplace mindset, and I'm going to try and avoid this as much as possible, so that when I'm ready to return, I am able to do so with less transitional friction.
As far as my 5-year or 10-year plan, I don't really have one, which is scary in one sense, but this is a time for exploration and continued recovery. I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed. It is possible that in a year I will change my mind and decide to return to Westmont, or another school, to finish my English degree. It is also possible that I will decide to pursue journalism and apply to journalism schools. Or possibly film, and apply to film schools using the city college units to transfer. While it is unfortunate that many of my Westmont GE units will not transfer, I feel like now is the time to be looking ahead, not backward.
My short-term plan is a little more established. Santa Barbara is a familiar city to me, and Santa Barbara City College has one of the best affordable film programs in the state. I also have some friends there looking for a roommate, which is an added convenience. So my plan is to find a job in Santa Barbara, move down there, and enroll in film classes at city college. It is possible that I will end up residing elsewhere, or maybe even stay in the Bay Area and continue working for my dad, but Santa Barbara is looking like the most likely scenario. Wherever I go, I will be simultaneously pursuing videography by way of odd jobs, event shooting, weddings, independent film gigs, and whatever else I can find.
I'm going to try to be as open as possible about this, which is why I've posted this publicly. I welcome and appreciate your advice, questions, responses, prayers, and wisdom.
Cheers,
Jedd
Thursday, June 4
Meet Frank
Here's the first cut that I completed last Fall. Sorry it took so long to post it here. :)
Meet Frank from Jedidiah on Vimeo.
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