So uncivilized...

I make random connections every day. Perhaps loose wires are to blame, swinging around in my brain as I shift my weight side to side with every step, occasionally shorting out and, much like jump-starting a car, my mind revs with the excitement of a brilliant metaphor. It takes me roughly an hour to realize its stupidity.

Dogs have a very primitive form of communication. To my knowledge, their native tongue only consists of about three words; woof, bark, and ruff. It can even be argued that these are all just different interpretations of the same word, but I prefer to give my golden retriever the benefit of the doubt. They also only use these words in the most dire situations, to say things like "Feed me", "I need to go pee", and of course, "The pizza guy is here". Us humans, as you may well know, have developed a much more advanced system of communication, allowing us to converse about more sophisticated topics. With the English language at my disposal, I can easily ascertain knowledge of a friends feelings toward the weather, without having to resort to hand signals or facial expressions. It's as simple as asking, "Nice weather, don't you think?" To which my friend will most likely reply, "Yeah." Marvelous, isn't it? Millions of years of evolution...or be it 6,000 years since Adam and Eve, and we've managed to coin a plethora of words, allowing us wear our ineptitude on our sleeves.

There is one facet of our society, however, where our advanced civilization goes back to the ways of the cave-men, engaging in a conversation consisting of short, monotone bursts of sound. Behind the wheel, you have only about three words with which to communicate; beep, rev, and of course, the finger.

The world moves at an incredibly fast pace, and on my way to work, I for one don't have time to explain to the guy who just cut me off that I hope he drives off a cliff. That's why some genius around the turn of the century decided that when words will not suffice, a simple beep allows the driver to cover a multitude of expressions. Simply by pressing against my steering wheel, I can say anything from "Thank you" to "Hey, I'm about to ram into the driver side of your vehicle" to "I hope you die and burn in hell."

And it's not just the horn, either! In true grunting cave-man fashion, a bad exhaust system allows you to intimidate any car within earshot, and sometimes even attract a mate. If you're the type that's into pick-up lines and bar fights, I'd recommend an American muscle car from the 60's or 70's. Smog check not to code? All the better.

Last but not least, automotive transportation has encouraged a return to the long-forgotten communication system of hand-signals. Not just for the deaf and occasional high-school student trying to avoid foreign language, a "slang" sign-language all its own has risen from the dark corners of rush-hour traffic. One, most important of all, so significant that it's the only one referred to as "the finger", allows us to deliver the ultimate insult with minimal effort. With a little practice, you too can tell the person in front of you to...well, you know.

So really, the world of automobiles has allowed a revisit to the primitive side of our human instinct. On the road, we become ruthless lions, fighting for the gazelle. It's quite a beautiful metaphor, if you're the one who made it up. Which, you're not.

Anywho, there's a little insight into the randomness of my brain functions. I hope you enjoyed it.